MARKETING: WANT TO BUY A WATCH?

I once had a rubber watch that had written on it: “Waterproof to fifty meters, not to be used for diving.” If I ever find myself fifty meters underwater, and I’m not diving, my biggest concern will be how to get my feet out of the bucket of cement and not whether or not my watch is working. I heard a commercial for a product on the radio the other day that claimed the product would get rid of my cold, lower my blood pressure and make my male member the size of a Louisville Slugger. (Way too many companies seem to be worried about the size of my male member these days). At the end of the commercial, an announcer speaking at the speed of Alvin the Chipmunk on crack said, “THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE FDA. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE.” So if it doesn’t do anything, why would I want to take it? It’s marketing. How to sell something.

With my next book due out next year, I am thinking about marketing a lot lately. With my first book I didn’t know anything about marketing. I did what I thought was right. I posted on Facebook, but I find that saying, “Buy my book. Buy my book. Buy my book,” gets old for everyone after the first day or so. It’s like when the movie Titanic came out. The first time I heard the theme I thought: the song is okay. A week later, after I had heard it played on the radio 1,500,000 times, I was ready to take a sharp pencil and poke out my eardrums even before Celine Dion started singing.

I created this blog to help market my first book, and still, like today, I like to mention my writing projects from time to time. But again, talking about writing constantly is boring for anyone but other writers. I try to keep this blog light and a little humorous when possible.
So how do I market my book? They say sex sells—look how Fifty Shades of Grey has done. I don’t have a lot of sex in my stories, because they say you should write about what you know. I married my high school sweetheart. All I know about is us, and once you get past the camel, pygmies and artichoke hearts, I’m at a loss where to go. I suppose I could have the publisher put naked pictures of me in the book, but I think the screams of people poking out their eyeballs with sharp pencils would bother me—I’d probably get sued for the therapy sessions to get the images out their minds, too.

Book covers are a good way of marketing. I see a lot of covers that are just one solid color like red with the title of the book and the author’s name in black or gold. There are also covers that are entirely some incoherent pattern. I always wonder if they are somehow way above my intellect and I’m missing the meaning, or if the artist just ran out of time and threw something together at the last minute.

I have a few ideas for my cover, but I haven’t started working with the artist yet. It is a western, so I’m thinking at least a horse and maybe a naked horse so I fulfill the sex requirement. When the cover is done I will post it here so everyone can get a look at it.

In The Sticks website

!cid_X_MA1_1315556019@aol

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About thewritingdeputy

Joel Jurrens was a deputy sheriff for 26 years until he retired in 2013. He has published three novels: In The Sticks, Graves of His Personal Liking and County Ops: The Vengeance of Gable Fitzgerald. He tries to keep his blog light and humorous and sometimes downright silly.
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6 Responses to MARKETING: WANT TO BUY A WATCH?

  1. Gerri Bowen says:

    Good luck with your cover, they can be tough to figure out. How about a herd of naked horses?

  2. Fun post! We can all use a little humor when it comes to marketing.

  3. I agree that this was a fun post. And I actually LOLed a bit also.

  4. Mary Ricksen says:

    Good luck with marketing. It’s a nightmare!!!

  5. Marja McGraw says:

    I read two of your posts this morning and you really brightened my day. Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck with the marketing. Naked horses might help?

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