My wife once took a trip to Ecuador with her church. She brought a lot of religion to the country. Street vendors who weren’t religious before now get down on their knees every night and pray she never comes back. When we retire we’re going to take a trip to Mexico where they expect you to haggle. I can hardly wait to watch her in action. It’ll be sort of like the haggler Olympics. Now that’s entertainment. My wife will haggle over anything.
Sample lady at Sam’s Club (smiling broadly): Excuse me ma’am, would you like to try a sample of our new Braunschweiger spread on a cracker?
My wife: Just one?
Sample lady (still smiling): We have two different kinds, regular and with cheese. So you can have one of each.
My wife (looking indignant): So my husband here doesn’t get any?
Sample lady (hesitantly and the smile not as wide.): He can have one of each, too.
My wife: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Sample lady (no longer smiling.): What do you mean?
My wife (nodding toward another sample stand across the aisle): Weiner Boy over there is offering a cheese dog and a Dixie cup of butter rum ice cream.
Sample lady (looking confused now): But this is all they gave me.
My wife: If you’ll throw in that bag of chips you have under your display table, maybe we can talk.
Sample lady (in a confused whisper): But … that’s my lunch.
My wife: You want to do this deal or not? (She looks over at Weiner Boy) I have other offers.
Sample lady (looking ready to cry): What do you want?
My wife: Has that bottle of Pepsi beside the chips been opened yet?
(Fast forward half an hour)
My wife: Okay, so let’s see if I have this straight. I get the whole plate of Braunschweiger and crackers, the Pepsi, the chips, the egg salad sandwich on whole wheat, the three sticks of gum left in your purse, and you’re throwing in a coupon for a free McDonald’s ice cream cone? Right?
Sample lady (nodding enthusiastically and looking as if she’s willing to write her a personal check just to get rid of her): Right.
My wife hands me the plate of Braunschweiger and crackers. I take a bite.
Me: Hey, these are pretty good. Especially the cheese ones. (I hold the plate out to her) Try one.